Sometimes it’s the really simple things that get to you.
Today I did what should have been a very simple and easy thing to do: I was cleaning up my contacts list. I have a group for personal contacts that is then broken down into another couple categories; a group for business contacts with its own sub categories; and an archive group where I move any of the others to when it is no longer an active contact, but may contain information that I want to reference later.
As I was going through the contacts and easily deciding which ones stay active vs going into archive or deleting, I came to the contact entry for my mom. I know it shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but the idea of moving her contact information to the archive folder hit me really hard. I know she passed away almost five months ago, however that simple act of moving the contact was to finally face up to the fact that I will never receive contact from, nor need to make contact with any of the information contained in that very small piece of data. I quite literally stared at the options in front of me for several minutes; do I move it or leave it for now? I tried to rationalize with myself that it wasn’t an active contact, but then again, one non-active contact isn’t exactly going to clutter up the list; and again, its only a contact and really holds no value beyond that…
Well, being human rather than Vulcan sometimes sucks; removing the “active” and adding the “archive” selections for her contact was one of the harder things I decided I needed to do in recent months. There was no rationalizing around it, I was continuing to let go and come to grasp with her death; which quite frankly, still sucks.
I love you mom.